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tags: theonion (44)
- NRA: 'It's Probably Best If You Just Ignore What We're About To Say'
- New Sony Nose Buds Allow Users To Blast Different Smells Into Nostrils
- Ms. Butterfly - Teachers, Ep. 4
- The Burtons - Teachers, Ep. 3
- Hot Kids - Teachers, Ep. 2
- NRA Fights Legislation That Would Ban Gun Sales To Those Currently On Killing Sprees
- Osama Bin Laden Foundation Awards Fellowships To 20 Promising Young Terrorists
- Ten Percent Of U.S. High School Students Graduating Without Basic Object Permanence Skills
- Teachers
- Kidnappers' Demands Only Make Sense Given Economy
- Apple Promises To Fix Glitches In Map Software By Rearranging Earth's Geography
- The Onion Voter's Guide To Mitt Romney
- The Onion Voter's Guide To Barack Obama
- What Is Your Amateur Porn Telling Employers About You?
- Obama Scales Back Goals For America After Visiting Denny's
- How To Get A Guy To Notice You While You're Having Sex With Him
- Putin Learns Putin Behind Plot To Assassinate Putin
- Newsroom : New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less
- HP Offers 'That Cloud Thing Everyone Is Talking About'
- Sex House - Sexy Truth or Sexy Dare - Ep. 2
- Newsroom : Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys
- New Prius Helps Environment By Killing Its Owner
- Sex House - Meet The Nymphos - Ep. 1
- Newsroom : Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere
- Newsroom : Sony Releases Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work
- Newsroom : DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack
- Newsroom : More American Workers Outsourcing Own Jobs Overseas
- Newsroom : Many U.S. Parents Outsourcing Child Care Overseas
- In The Know : Are Violent Video Games Preparing Kids For The Apocalypse?
- Newsroom : Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment Of Women
- New Apple Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At About Mac Products
- Newsroom : Ninja Parade Slips By Town Unnoticed Once Again
- Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay
- Today Now! : Facebook, Twitter Revolutionizing How Parents Stalk Their College-Aged Kids
- Today Now! : Courageous Man Refuses To Believe He Has Cancer
- Newsroom : Army Holds Annual Bring Your Daughter To War Day
- In The Know : Children Exposed To Porn May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable
- Newsroom : First Female Dictator Hailed As Step Forward For Women
- Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized
- Newsroom : FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful
- Millions Irrationally Feared Dead In Minor Train Accident
- NASA Scientists Plan To Approach Girl By 2018
- Newsroom: Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla It Will Die Someday
- Celebrity Chef Ted Allen Cooks His Favorite Pretentious Foodie Bullshit Meal